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The service is over. All the planning is done. Everyone has gone home.

You are now left with the intense grief of your loss… on your own. The mental, emotional, physical and even spiritual suffering and distress are sharp and painful. It feels as though it will never end and you will never be the same. In truth, not being the same is most likely true.

Losing someone is not only very hard, but life changing! Things will be different, they will never be as they were.


When someone loses a spouse, child or extremely close loved one, things do change. You change. Learning to find your new normal is going to take some time. You need to be patient with you and the process. You can’t rush – or even slow down – grief.

But there IS hope and you will recover and move on with life. So how do you do that?

It is different for everyone and NO ONE can or should tell you how long to grieve or if you have grieved long enough.


The dictionary even defines Bereavement as: “a period of mourning”. However, it doesn’t define how long the period of time is. The definition of a period: a rather large interval of time. So, what that may be for you, it will be something different for someone else.

You must be gentle with yourself and remember you only have to do “today”.

It would be very helpful to get involved with a community of those that are suffering from loss, who can truly understand exactly what you are experiencing. And then…You need the additional support of other family members, support groups, church family and even therapy with a professional.

Working together we will help you build the necessary coping skills, pacing yourself to use them, and understand learning how to manage the pain is paramount to your own future.

As mentioned above, using your support systems is essential, but listening to your own mind and body is very important. Sometimes other people’s “advice” is not the best, so learning how to listen to yourself is essential for your own emotional health and well-being.